Survey of Selected Staff For Ideas on How We Can Save Money, Increase Revenues, and Help Stimulate Consumer Spending and the Economy
This survey is strictly voluntary and confidential. We will tabulate the results of the survey and let the group know the statistics only, not how any individual survey was done. The surveys will be destroyed and all that will remain will be the statistics.
For those of you who are more outspoken than others in our group, we encourage you to make fun of the answers as you fill out the results at the table. You are allowed to let others know how you voted, but do not have to do so.
Please mark your favorite or best answer with a plus sign (+) and your least favorite or worst answer with a negative sign (-). For each question, we will verbally let everybody know the answer that ranks highest by vote total for both positive and negative, and the number of votes.
For some questions, you will notice that there is one answer that is a potentially good or real answer, in our mind at least. That is to say it is not designed to be funny. The other answers are meant to be funny. You do not have to rank the “good” answer as the highest. You may do so if you wish.
1. Our Company should raise additional revenue by:
a. Having a bake sale.
b. Having a yard sale. Literally.
c. Selling tickets to a demolition derby.
d. Putting slot machines in the offices.
e. Making the toilets in the offices Paid, i.e you have to put a quarter in the slot for the door to open.
f. Renovating and converting the upper floors to a museum.
g. Letting street musicians play at our stores with the company taking a 30% cut of the action.
h. Extend the street musicians idea to other street people offering other types of cash only services.
2. Our comapny should start slot machines, etc. because:
a. We gotta do something about these outrageous fuel and health care costs.
b. It just might be legal.
c. Ka-ching. Ka-ching Baby.
d. I don’t think we should do this.
3. In lieu of pay raises, our company should:
a. Distribute an Anti-Depression toolkit full of wonderful ideas on how to save money like eating peanut butter instead of lobster.
b. Invite Warren Buffet to a big meeting of all our employees on how to invest in selected stocks when the market hits bottom (AGAIN), i.e. When will it hit bottom, and what stocks to invest in?
c. Enroll all employees in the Wisconsin Cheese log of the Month Club.
d. Tell everybody that it’s OK to donate less to the United Way this year.
e. Send one of those Sincere Employee letters from our CEO that says “Now Look – You still have a job, so be happy.”
4. Our Company should cut costs by:
a. Putting up signs that say :Wear boots and use snow tires this winter because we’re not gonna plow the parking lots and sidewalks.
c. Ask every restaurant in the 6 county region to donate their excess or used cooking oil so we can turn it into biodiesel fuel.
d. Put solar panels on all our buildings.
e. Farm out our health care plan to a small startup company in the Phillipines called “Psychic Health Care, Inc.”
f. Farm out all of our telephone customer care services to a startup firm in India called “Wuddadiddautay.”
5. To stimulate consumer spending, our company should:
a. Just say “What the Hell – If the Feds can spend money like a bunch of drunken sailors, so can we” and give all its employees big raises.
b. Tax the top 1% of its employees and redistribute these funds to the bottom 95% of its employees so they can buy gas and pay off some debts.
c. Tax the bottom 95% of its employees and redistribute these funds to the top 1% of its employees because we know these high income earners will wisely and prudently invest this extra income in American firms that will create American jobs for people that will spend this money in America, thus generating additional tax revenue which can be used to reduce your taxes and lower prices for you.
d. Sell lottery tickets at all of our stores because you know that whoever wins the big one is gonna spend a boatload of money here in the U.S. at American firms that employee only American workers who themselves also only spend all of their money only at American firms with American workers, who etc. etc.
e. Lobby Congress to pass a major infrastructure bill because it will create jobs and give Americans money to spend.
6. Which of the following would you most like/least like to receive from the CEO this year:
a. A one way train ticket to Detroit
b. A round trip ticket to Oak Park.
c. Five one dollar lottery tickets.
d. A pink rubber ducky.
e. A blue toy submarine.
f. Zig Zag rolling papers.
g. 3 cookies, 2 apple pies, a small diet coke and a double cheeseburger from McDonalds
h. A bottle of Redline Power Rush 7.
7. Which of the following is your favorite and least favorite holiday tradition.
a. Watching Christmas Vacation starring Chevy Chase.
b. Watching “A Christmas Story” sixteen times in a row on TBS.
c. Spending the whole day pondering why you keep making the same stupid mistake every year of letting your divorced, single and alcoholic Uncle Harry come over and spend time with the family.
d. Eating too much, drinking too much and sleeping too much so that you once again end up at the emergency room.
e. Driving around the city with your family looking for something that’s open.
f. Knowing in advance there’s nothing open, driving around the city with your family anyway just to see if there’s anybody else doing the same thing.
g. Going to the movies with your friends and family.
h. Watching Babe Lewandowski show you how to go ice fishing on TV.
i. Sitting on the recliner with the cat on your lap drinking egg nog and watching the icycles flicker from the glow of the fireplace.
j. Going to CVS or Walgreens. They’re open.
7. Please rank the following as to the importance to you as the meaning of the holiday season to you. You many rank them a to g, all of them a if you think they are of equal importance to you, or not rank some of them at all if some of them are not important to you.
a. a time for personal prayer and personal reflection.
b. a time for quality time with friends and relatives.
c. a time to spread Gods message to others.
d. A time to teach Gods message to others.
e. A time to personally help people, be they neighbors, friends, or relatives, that are less fortunate than your self or your family.
f. A time to give financially to those less fortunate than yourself or your family.
g. A time to study the Bible, Quran, Hinayana, Tripitaka, Vedas, Gitas, or other religious book used by your religion.
h. A time to celebrate your faith with others, either communally in a place of worship or privately with your family and friends.
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